Relationship problems: how to get the spark back

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Relationship problems: how to get the spark back


They say the first two to three years of a relationship are the hardest, but what about several years down the line, when the excitement is gone and everything has turned into a routine? How do you get the spark back in your relationship? Here are some ideas.

By Editorial Team | 13th March 2019
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Take some time for yourselves

The most important thing you can probably do to cut down on relationship problems and bring the spark back is to just take some time for the two of you. Alone. Leave the little ones with a friend, grandparent, or babysitter, and leave town for a few days, so you can reconnect. Even just putting the kids to bed early or cancelling plans with other people over the weekend will do.

You need to actually spend time together to be able to create that special spark that brought you together in the first place. The more time you spend together, the more you will remember why you like each other.

Start doing little things for each other

Sometimes, small gestures can say big things, so do not hesitate to do something small for your partner; they will appreciate it immensely. It can be something as simple as getting them a bunch of flowers, making breakfast for them, washing the car or cleaning the dishes because you know they hate doing it, etc.

Don’t put a price on your gesture of love; simply think about your partner and make it something completely selfless you do for them, and for them alone. They will be touched by your generosity and love.

Couple kissing behind balloons
Start showing more affection for your partner (Picture: iStock by Getty)
Set up a weekly date night

Do you remember how exciting dating used to be? Well, why not invite your spouse to be your date for tonight? And for at least one night, every week. That will make you both feel fancy again, and you might even get those giddy butterflies you used to get.

Heat things up in the bedroom

A bedroom without passion can indicate relationship problems, and that’s exactly what we’re trying to avoid. Rebuilding intimacy is essential when you want to reconnect and get the spark back, so why not start talking about what you’d like to try out in bed? It doesn’t need to be anything crazy; just some spooning can get you inspired.

Put each other first

Unfortunately, after some time, couples forget to consider the other person a priority. Especially if children come into the picture or work becomes very busy, there are other priorities that come first. While that is necessary at times, it doesn’t do your relationship any good, long-term. Your partner should not regularly be bottom of the priority list in your life.

Amorous couple toasting with red wine in restaurant
Make time for your loved one to get the spark back (Picture: iStock by Getty)
Go back to the beginning

What if you went back to the beginning of your relationship? You’d just met, you were infatuated, and there were no relationship problems back then. The days of dating apps are rarely celebrated, but if that’s where you met your spouse, why not? Getting back on one of those might not be a bad idea, if you do it together.

Dating sites such as Ourtime, Eharmony, Elite Singles, Zoosk, or Match can be great places to play pretend at dating and getting to know each other again. Think of it as roleplaying, and a bit of fun.

Introduce exciting things into your routine

If what’s missing is the excitement, then why not bring that back? You can introduce as many exciting things as you want into your life. Start with once a week and go as big or as small as you want. If what’s exciting to you is getting takeout and relaxing on the sofa, that sounds great. If you want to go bungee-jumping instead, that’s awesome, too! Just make sure that there is something to look forward to that you do together, every single week.


All in all, there are things you can do if you feel like you’ve lost the spark in your relationship. Start focusing on each other again and bring back that excitement!

Written by
Editorial Team
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